Do you often find yourself in a constant cycle of judging others? This habit is affecting your relationship with others and your mental peace too. You want to leave this habit. But how?
Worry not! Here in this blog, I will share with you practical ways to stop judging others.
So, let’s dive into it.
Judging is a natural habit. Sometimes we judge others, sometimes we judge ourselves.
We judge other’s choices, life decisions, what they wear, and how they live. Making these judgments can affect our relationship with them.
It’s not a one-time thing that you decide that you’ll not judge others and this thing will stop. You have to make a conscious effort and change your mindset. Before getting into changing this habit, you first need to know and understand why you are judging others.
Here in this blog, I’ll tell you why we judge others, how it impacts your relationship, practical ways to stop judging others, and tips to become less judgmental.
Why I am Judging Others
Before learning the ways to deal with the habit of judging others, we first need to understand why we judge others. A few of the reasons are as follows:
1. Your Belief System and Conditioning
We all grew up under the guidance of adults, who have their own belief systems, and values that in turn shape our belief system.
We also have some preconceived notions about how certain things are to be done, how one should react in a particular situation, how one should behave etc. And when someone does things differently, we term them as wrong or right.
2. To Gain Acceptance
It’s a natural feeling in humans to stay connected with people, gain their acceptance, and belong to a group. Many times judging others is a way to gain acceptance in that group. You think that this is the only way you can connect with them and stay relevant in the group.
3. Lack of Empathy
As Eminem has said, “Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes.” We judge others based on our points of view and experiences. We don’t try to see the situation from other’s point of view. We don’t know what they are dealing with, or what problems and challenges they have in their life.
4. Limited or No Access to New/ Different people
When you meet only certain persons again and again, then your frame of mind or horizon of thoughts and life becomes limited. It makes you believe that people behave only in a certain way. If someone doesn’t fit your set of criteria, then you assume them as a wrong or bad person.
5. To Boost Your Ego
By criticizing or judging others, you want to show that another person is way less than you, whether it’s about financial background, level of education, social status, or looks. In this way, you feel better about yourself.
The person who is judging knows he lacks something, and by putting others down, they want to hide this or feel good about themselves.
How to Know If You Are Judging Others
It might be that you are unaware that you judge others constantly. Here are a few ways to know –
1. You term others either wrong or right.
2. Even if someone has done good work, you always end up digging into their past mistakes or flaws you know.
3. Person who have different approaches towards life or have different views or behave differently, you always dislike them.
4. You always do comparison.
How Judging Others Impact You
When you constantly judge or criticize someone in your family, your partner, any friend, or colleague, it will slowly strain your relationship with them. Continuous criticism of others also propagates negativity within yourself. It creates a habit of constantly finding fault in others. This mindset is not good for your mental health.
Here are a few ways in which judging others impacts you and your relationships –
1. Increase in Misunderstandings
When you constantly judge and form your opinion without understanding others’ perspectives, it creates misunderstanding.
Instead of understanding why the other person is behaving like this, and what is his point of view, you criticize them and develop some assumptions about that other person. This will increase conflict and create distance between you two.
2. No Genuine Connection
If you are feeling judged, you will not open up in front of another person. In the same way, if you have this habit, the other person will not trust you and share their feeling with you. Your constant judging will create a negative vibe around you and others will maintain a distance from you. You will not be able to form genuine connections with others.
3. Negative Mindset
This constant judging and criticizing will create negativity in yourself. It will affect you mentally and emotionally. This negative frame of mind will affect your growth in life. And also causes stress which is not good for your physical health.
4 Effective Ways to Stop Judging Others
1. Practice Empathy
Empathy is putting yourself in another’s place and understanding their intentions and feelings. When you put an effort into knowing other’s perspectives it will help you to build a deeper connection with others.
Never nullify other’s feelings and experiences. Everyone’s life is different and so are their experiences. It will help you to become more empathetic person. But do keep in mind that empathy doesn’t mean you agree with another’s point of view.
2. Become Self-Aware
We have formed many assumptions in our minds about others, knowingly and unknowingly. To stop this habit of constant judging, you need to be aware of that you are doing it.
Try to understand your thought patterns. You need to know why you have certain beliefs and assumptions.
Some people judge because either they feel jealous or have a habit of comparing. You need to fully understand what things are causing these feelings in you.
3. Develop a Growth Mindset
Comparison is the mother of all evils in our lives. As Multy Mullin has said, “ The only person you should try to be better than is the person who you were yesterday.”
Set goals, work on them, and strive to be better than yesterday. Focus on yourself rather than on others. Work on becoming a better version of yourself. In this way, you get to know your weaknesses and flaws. Now your focus is to work on them, not to find faults in others.
In this way, you are happy with the other’s wins. Feeling good about yourself and others will never lead you towards becoming a judgmental person.
4. Embrace Imperfection
Many times we do have high standards and want everything perfect. When the other person does not do things to our expected standards, we judge and criticize.
No one is perfect in this world. Accept that when you do things, mistakes can happen sometimes. When you let go of the feeling of perfection, then you don’t judge others for their flaws.
Instead of trying to change the other person, accept them as they are.
Tips To Stop Judging Others
Here are few tips to stop judging others :
1. Most people have the feeling that others around them don’t like them. So by judging others and pointing out their mistakes, you try to put yourself in a good position in front of others. So you need to understand first why you are insecure about yourself.
2. Sometimes, a judgmental person has the habit of criticizing themselves too much and this habit leads them to judging others. By doing this they tender themselves by saying that others are also making mistakes, so it’s fine.
To stop this cycle, you need to forgive yourself for your mistakes.
3. Whenever you find yourself judging others, write down your thoughts and throw that piece of paper.
4. Be kind to others. Everyone in life has their own set of struggles. You have no idea what the other person is dealing with. Stop judging others and be compassionate toward them.
5. Meet new people. Our view is limited and narrow toward life. Expand your life by meeting new people who do not belong to your circle. Go to new places, you will meet new people. Try new things. You will get to know about different cultures, things, and people.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I stop judging others?
To stop judging others, you need to change your mindset. A negative mindset has the habit of pulling down everyone. A person with a positive mindset is more open to new and different views. Their purpose in life is not to find flaws in others. Even if they notice flaws in others, they are not like that they go and tell everyone.
How do I stop constantly judging?
Become more open-minded and receptive in life. It’s not a one-time thing that you decide that you’ll stop judging others and this habit will stop automatically. You have to make conscious efforts continuously and change your mindset.
How do I know if I am judging someone?
For this, you first need to be aware of your judgmental thoughts and why they arise. Is it because you feel rejected, excluded or want to be defensive in front of others. By engaging in self-reflection practices you will become aware of your thought pattern.
Conclusion
Judging is a normal thing. All of us have judged others and are being judged by others. But when you constantly pass judgment and criticize others, it becomes a bad habit and develops negativity in yourself and around you.
You can change this by becoming self-aware, practicing empathy, and adopting a growth mindset.
Changing this mindset requires constant and conscious efforts from your side. So be patient and become more open-minded, receptive to new ideas, be compassionate and kind toward others.
It will help you to build genuine connections and lead a more peaceful and contentful life.